Anger is one of the predictable, expected stages of the grieving process. This may surprise some or even shock others but this demonstrates just how important the energy behind this emotion is for human survival. So, what is anger and why is it a part of what some may think is only a process of feeling sad due to a loss? I don’t think of anger, actually, as a “pure” emotion. This is because it is really very complex involving other deeper emotions very frequently in the unconscious awareness of the person experiencing it. The term ‘passive aggressive’ is commonly known as an example of someone who may say or do things seemingly for the good but really has an underlying negative motive or intent.
Of course, a deep analysis, which could go on for a very long time, is not necessary in the discussion about grief, sadness, loss, or the coronavirus. Most people may just want to know why they see others on television, social media etc. starting to rant and rave about recent government restrictions to the inability to find toilet paper or paper towels! How dare we live in a world without TP!! Some people almost immediately jump to an anger response when faced with loss (of whatever or whomever) and for others will push this down and act as if everything is fine, when it is not. Anger can creep out or burst through. Children may have temper tantrums being told they can’t have a cookie before dinner. For a young child this is a “loss”. And, loss can be something you never had but always wanted. Getting a job promotion but being denied is a loss even though you never “had” the job.
Coronavirus anger may not have fully shown itself yet. I suspect it may show soon in families where we all just start to get on each other’s nerves after having to shutter away from our normal friends and activities. Anger at just hearing the daily updates from local, state, national leaders has already become apparent in many. There may develop and increase in domestic violence and child abuse…extremely serious societal concerns. More, than the usual, negative comments on social network sites may crop-up.
If you notice signs of intense anger it will be important to try to first just notice, in yourself as well as others, take a very deep breath, and give yourself time to back away from the situation or person. Backing away can be as simple as shutting the television off or leaving your computer/screen for a while. Backing away might involve physically going to another room or even better outside.
One of the very best things to do when anger is overly present is to move physically, walk, bike, run, stretch, swim…whatever will help your body expel this energy.
Since I have said that anger isn’t, itself, bad and can actually be positive I will address this more positive aspect later. For now, if things get too intense, cool off!